How should I handle the shame that comes from being bullied?
Hello!
Thanks for the question.
Let's begin with What is bully first?
It is an action of making someone feel shameful. If you are bullied that means you are expected to feel shame. To avoid these kind of feeling, first you have to understand the intention behind bullying someone. Peoples’ bully because they have fun when someone is ashamed. In order to make so, those people can go to any level. Now, when you know the intention, you tell me, do you really think even a perfect human can escape from being bullied? No, right? because their intention is to make the other one feel ashamed so that they will have fun so how can they miss a chance. They are very insecure, afraid and jealous. They hide these weaknesses by bulling those who are good as compared to them. So, when you are bullied next time, don’t feel ashamed just because they want you to. Make your mind firm and know that no one in the earth is perfect and no need to feel ashamed of it.
Should I feel guilty to break up? Is it really bad to break up?
Hello!
Thanks for the question.
Breaking up a relationship is always hard. I feel sorry for you. Because of guilt factor, sustaining this kind of relation is not good for you emotional and mental health. See if you don’t want to feel guilty the easiest way to get out of the relationship is ending up in a good note. You can have a word with that person and share that how you are suffering. Here please note that while sharing your suffering, try not to blame that person or any of his/ her action. If you do it accidently, the person’s defense mechanism will be activated and without realizing his/her mistake, he/she will aggressively end this relationship with conflict. You can have idea by yourself. It usually happens and is really very toxic. You can share how you are feeling in this relationship now, (like you are feeling sad, depressed, lost etc.) but don’t share which action of that person made you feel so. If the person seems stable and ask, you can slowly share with a sentence “you are a very good human but I am not able to feel ….. with you.” If the person feels frustrated and starts torturing you, stop sharing more and directly ask for a break for 3–4 months. During break in a relationship what happens is, communication will be minimized and can be cut off eventually creating distance. This results in less attachment in both sides. So, breaking up also becomes easy. About your guilt part, what I will say is if you have made mistake, feeling guilty is obvious but it is also not going to fix whatever has happened. if you have not done anything wrong, you shouldn’t be feeling guilty. You should be happy for your efforts you made in this relationship. Humans make mistakes that is how we learn. So consider it as a mistake and from here you can learn how to not feel guilty when there is no need of. Have you ever thought if you are not able to feel good in this relationship, how much the other one will eventually suffer. So, with the decision of breaking up this, you are somehow avoiding toxicity from both of your lives. Just because the other one did not think of this solution first doesn’t mean you are guilty. The guilt is within you. It’s not dependent on how it’s going to end. First of all, get out of the guilt and then go for the solution. Trust that the decision is for both of you. You are not being selfish. Wandering what’s wrong we have done and seeing the person we love in misery is more harder than break up.
So these were the two questions that I personally felt very genuine and unasked frequently. Might be these were the question that you or your loved or known one had at least once in a life time. Not sure whether you got your answer or not. If not, hope this helps you.
